It's human nature to put off things that are uncomfortable, and talking to your parents about their care can be just that. The obvious time to intervene is when you have no other choice, but so much stress and heartache can be avoided if you begin to get things organized long before it becomes a crisis.
Talk to your parents. Let them know your feelings and assure them that you are here for them and will be a willing participant in all of their elder care issues. Ask that they share their wishes and fears with you as well. Discuss the issues of guilt and being a burden and try to make them see that they raised you and were there for you and all you want to do is return the favor.
Encourage them to get help as they needed only, for now. You will see that this will make a much easier transition into full care if ever the time or need arises.
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Should I worry?
It's common to ignore signals or to minimize them, especially if you are overwhelmed with other responsibilities or are having a particularly difficult time with the fact that your parents are aging.
If other responsibilities have you overwhelmed, perhaps it is best to call in reinforcements from your siblings or other family members to give you a more objective opinion of the situation.
Besides obvious falls, other clues can include increasing forgetfulness or confusion, changes in eating habits or personal hygiene, household chores being left undone, bills going unpaid and utilities shut off, or pets being neglected or unkempt.
Changes in mood and sleeping habits can also signal a need for change. Everyone can have a bad day or two, but ongoing issues should not be ignored. These signs can also indicate a change in condition that could warrant medical attention and should be evaluated by the family physician.
For more great tips visit our website, sign up for our newsletter or email me with any question at ilona@lilyhomecare.com
If other responsibilities have you overwhelmed, perhaps it is best to call in reinforcements from your siblings or other family members to give you a more objective opinion of the situation.
Besides obvious falls, other clues can include increasing forgetfulness or confusion, changes in eating habits or personal hygiene, household chores being left undone, bills going unpaid and utilities shut off, or pets being neglected or unkempt.
Changes in mood and sleeping habits can also signal a need for change. Everyone can have a bad day or two, but ongoing issues should not be ignored. These signs can also indicate a change in condition that could warrant medical attention and should be evaluated by the family physician.
For more great tips visit our website, sign up for our newsletter or email me with any question at ilona@lilyhomecare.com
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
When do I worry?
Sometimes it's obvious that it's time to move your parents to a different level of care, but it's the subtle situations that make it easy to miss or remain in denial that something has to be done.
One fall does not necessarily mean your dad or mom are no longer capable of caring for themselves, but it should be a loud warning and should not be ignored. A second fall means you really have to look carefully at the situation and make some changes. You may just need to get the grab bars installed now, remove obstacles and throw rugs, or add an alert system or make sure they have a phone with them at all times. You may also need to examine other possibilities such as in home care.
Certainly if an event has caused an injury or frightened your parent, you need to sit down and discuss how to improve the situation and what the options are. The severity of the situation will dictate how drastic a measure you need to take. You have to be alert to the cues and willing to accept the fact that your parents are aging and are going to need more and more help as they get older.
Many more tips to follow................
One fall does not necessarily mean your dad or mom are no longer capable of caring for themselves, but it should be a loud warning and should not be ignored. A second fall means you really have to look carefully at the situation and make some changes. You may just need to get the grab bars installed now, remove obstacles and throw rugs, or add an alert system or make sure they have a phone with them at all times. You may also need to examine other possibilities such as in home care.
Certainly if an event has caused an injury or frightened your parent, you need to sit down and discuss how to improve the situation and what the options are. The severity of the situation will dictate how drastic a measure you need to take. You have to be alert to the cues and willing to accept the fact that your parents are aging and are going to need more and more help as they get older.
Many more tips to follow................
Monday, October 8, 2012
Losing Independence?
Our parents may not be willing to discuss a lot of things with us, but they may be able to tell us what it would mean to them to become dependent. You may be surprised at what losing independence means to and what it involves for aging parents. Discussing with them and listening to what they feel may give you some insight into the challenges you may face as they age and begin to require assistance.
Independence can be defined by many things. Ask your parents what these things mean to them. Is it living in their own home? Driving a car? Cooking their own meals? If you just ask, you'll begin to understand how they perceive their lives and what losing their independence means to them.
Some of our parents will age gracefully and accept change as it happens. Others will fight it tooth and nail and will not accept change without kicking and screaming all along the way. I'm sure most of us would more than welcome a happy medium.
One of the challenges will most likely be not overdoing it. Let them do as much for themselves as possible. This is very important. The temptation to jump in and just do it will be difficult to resist, but we want them to feel as in control and stress free as possible. The more they can continue to do for themselves the better they off they are physically and mentally. The more you do for them, the needier they will become. In the long run, it will benefit them as well as you to help them remain active participants in their own care and activities of daily life.
The role you are forced to assume may seem very similar to our role as parent to your own children, but there are vast differences. DO NOT forget that your parents are adults and unless they have lost their mental abilities and capacities, they are still capable of making decisions about their care and life. What you have to remember is that you are all adults.
Please also understand that you will differ in what you consider most important and why. You may be more concerned about their health and safety, they may be more concerned with independence and continuing to enjoy the things they like to do.
Just remember, it is our job to help, but not our job to take over.
Independence can be defined by many things. Ask your parents what these things mean to them. Is it living in their own home? Driving a car? Cooking their own meals? If you just ask, you'll begin to understand how they perceive their lives and what losing their independence means to them.
Some of our parents will age gracefully and accept change as it happens. Others will fight it tooth and nail and will not accept change without kicking and screaming all along the way. I'm sure most of us would more than welcome a happy medium.
One of the challenges will most likely be not overdoing it. Let them do as much for themselves as possible. This is very important. The temptation to jump in and just do it will be difficult to resist, but we want them to feel as in control and stress free as possible. The more they can continue to do for themselves the better they off they are physically and mentally. The more you do for them, the needier they will become. In the long run, it will benefit them as well as you to help them remain active participants in their own care and activities of daily life.
The role you are forced to assume may seem very similar to our role as parent to your own children, but there are vast differences. DO NOT forget that your parents are adults and unless they have lost their mental abilities and capacities, they are still capable of making decisions about their care and life. What you have to remember is that you are all adults.
Please also understand that you will differ in what you consider most important and why. You may be more concerned about their health and safety, they may be more concerned with independence and continuing to enjoy the things they like to do.
Just remember, it is our job to help, but not our job to take over.
Friday, September 14, 2012
Move or Stay?
There only a few things more devastating for older people than having to move out of their own home. An overwhelming majority of elders say they want to remain in their homes for as long as possible. Whether they can stay or more depends on many things, but the subject alone is sure to cause much anxiety for everyone involved. Either way, you should make a plan. These are some of the options available:
- Stay in the home. If your parent is physically and mentally fit and can manage their own well being, no need to uproot. If there is any illness, many resources are available, such as in home care, to assist your loved ones with daily tasks.
- Age restricted rental apartments. This is a great option for independent and healthy people who want to socialize with other adults. Some of these communities offer gardens, cafes, housekeeping and handyman services. the apartments are specifically designed for comfort and include important modifications such as wide doorways, emergency buttons and bathroom grab bars.
- Assisted living residence. This option offers a combination of housing, supportive services and personalized assistance. Meals, housekeeping, medication supervision and transportation are among the amenities offered.
If your loved one does decide and is able to stay in the home, there are many small changes you can make to keep them safe.
- Elevated toilet seat
- Illuminated light switches
- Universal remote controls
- Non breakable glasses and dishes
- And much more (If you would like a more detailed list, please email me at info@lilyhomecare.com)
If your family decides that assisted living is the best option, there are many things to consider and lots of questions you should ask.
- Ask for every policy and agreement in writing
- Ask about medication management
- Ask to meet an onsite resident
- Ask about staff licensing and qualifications
- And much more (If you would like a more detailed list, please email me at info@lilyhomecare.com)
No matter which option you and your loved ones choose, it's very important to do your research, ask the right questions and assure happiness and safety.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Choosing the right home care agency for you or your loved one.
What is home care?
A home care agency provides services that do not require a licensed professional or a physician's prescription. A home care worker can help a person with activities like remembering to take medications; preparing meals; transferring from chair, toilet or bed; bathing; getting dressed; light housekeeping or transportation to and from doctors' appointments. A home care worker can also provide companionship to an older adult or an adult with a disability - engaging in a favorite hobby, watching movies or simply conversing.
What to ask?
When you interview a home care agency, there are a number of important questions to ask:
- May I see a sample service agreement?
- How do you supervise and oversee the care provided by your caregivers?
- Are your services covered by long-term care insurance and will you process the paperwork?
- Are the caregivers your employees?
- Who is responsible for paying taxes and Social Security for the caregivers?
- What type of training do your employees receive when they’re hired?
- Do you conduct criminal background checks on your employees and are they bonded?
- How long have most of your employees worked for you?
- What is the background of your average caregiver?
- How do you ensure that the caregiver and the person receiving care will be compatible?
- Please describe how workers have been trained to communicate with people who have cognitive disabilities such as dementia.
- Can you put me in touch with someone who has used your services?
Just remember
- A home care agency provides non-medical services that ease the burden of caring at home for an older adult or an adult with a disability.
- A home care worker can provide everything from companionship to assistance with daily activities such as transferring, bathing, dressing, meal preparation, medication reminders and light housekeeping.
- Home care services are not covered by Medicare. They may, however, be covered by long-term care insurance and - depending on your situation.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Why do your parents refuse help?
It happens so often. You see that mom or dad need extra help. Maybe the house isn't being cleaned as much or the mail isn't being opened. They don't want to cook or eat much any more. So you do the right thing and step up to help. We all have busy lives and when you offer to bring in a caregiver, the answer you hear most often is: "I don't need any help. I'm doing fine".
The best approach to a parent who refuses help is to back off and look at the situation from a different perspective. Most often your parents assume that if they tell you something is wrong, you will want to help and try to solve the problem. In their eyes your help may lead to disruption of your life, loss of their driving privileges or a move outside of their home. They fear that once they start getting help, nothing will be the same any more.
You probably hear things like: "Stop worrying, this happens to everybody my age" or "I've been taking care of myself for years and I'm still here. I'll call you if I need help." To some of our parents, aging means a loss of independence, relinquishing the role as head of the family, and becoming a burden on the kids. It can also mean a constant battle to maintain their privacy and control of their future. Although changes may be necessary for their health and safety, to your parents these changes may seem dis-heartening, disorienting, and humiliating. You can help prevent that by doing some of the following:
Plan your actions and ideas thoroughly. Try to provide alternated plans to ease the anxiety and provide comfort.
Talk to your parents before you make any changes. Explain that your decision is only due to your concern for health and safety. Don't force any issues. Try to talk through them and be as sympathetic as possible. This is a big deal to them.
Present your parents with options. This will give them a sense of control. Bring in a caregiver for your parents to meet. Let them chose who they like and don't like. If your parents feel in control, they will be more likely to cooperate.
The best approach to a parent who refuses help is to back off and look at the situation from a different perspective. Most often your parents assume that if they tell you something is wrong, you will want to help and try to solve the problem. In their eyes your help may lead to disruption of your life, loss of their driving privileges or a move outside of their home. They fear that once they start getting help, nothing will be the same any more.
You probably hear things like: "Stop worrying, this happens to everybody my age" or "I've been taking care of myself for years and I'm still here. I'll call you if I need help." To some of our parents, aging means a loss of independence, relinquishing the role as head of the family, and becoming a burden on the kids. It can also mean a constant battle to maintain their privacy and control of their future. Although changes may be necessary for their health and safety, to your parents these changes may seem dis-heartening, disorienting, and humiliating. You can help prevent that by doing some of the following:
Plan your actions and ideas thoroughly. Try to provide alternated plans to ease the anxiety and provide comfort.
Talk to your parents before you make any changes. Explain that your decision is only due to your concern for health and safety. Don't force any issues. Try to talk through them and be as sympathetic as possible. This is a big deal to them.
Present your parents with options. This will give them a sense of control. Bring in a caregiver for your parents to meet. Let them chose who they like and don't like. If your parents feel in control, they will be more likely to cooperate.
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