Our parents may not be willing to discuss a lot of things with us, but they may be able to tell us what it would mean to them to become dependent. You may be surprised at what losing independence means to and what it involves for aging parents. Discussing with them and listening to what they feel may give you some insight into the challenges you may face as they age and begin to require assistance.
Independence can be defined by many things. Ask your parents what these things mean to them. Is it living in their own home? Driving a car? Cooking their own meals? If you just ask, you'll begin to understand how they perceive their lives and what losing their independence means to them.
Some of our parents will age gracefully and accept change as it happens. Others will fight it tooth and nail and will not accept change without kicking and screaming all along the way. I'm sure most of us would more than welcome a happy medium.
One of the challenges will most likely be not overdoing it. Let them do as much for themselves as possible. This is very important. The temptation to jump in and just do it will be difficult to resist, but we want them to feel as in control and stress free as possible. The more they can continue to do for themselves the better they off they are physically and mentally. The more you do for them, the needier they will become. In the long run, it will benefit them as well as you to help them remain active participants in their own care and activities of daily life.
The role you are forced to assume may seem very similar to our role as parent to your own children, but there are vast differences. DO NOT forget that your parents are adults and unless they have lost their mental abilities and capacities, they are still capable of making decisions about their care and life. What you have to remember is that you are all adults.
Please also understand that you will differ in what you consider most important and why. You may be more concerned about their health and safety, they may be more concerned with independence and continuing to enjoy the things they like to do.
Just remember, it is our job to help, but not our job to take over.
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